Last night, we did it. We stayed up until five a.m. eating cookie dough and talking about the system. We went over to Kelly's house in Forest Heights, this crowded devolpment full of Mc-mansions up in the hills surrounding the city. She has a beautiful view from her back porch. I could see all the big houses crowded together twinkling with Christmas lights. Across the street was a house who had gone overboard in comparison, with deers and trees made of lights. Past the cluster of houses were huge blots of black spiky trees, and past that, black flat expanse glittering with gold and red lights of suburbia. The night was incredibly clear, the stars achingly close.

We drank psychedelic orange juice and sat in front of the television for Sex and the City (which I thought was dumb because I came to see Sam, not Carrie Bradshaw pout). Suddenly things started shifting. The rug was waving and it all started. I grabbed a cosmopolitan and smiled at Kate Bosworth's glittering. The rug was millions of twisting rivers generating rainbow after images. I fell down laughing and put my legs up in the air.
On T.V. an orangtun was let loose in Thailand and was chasing people through the city. I was laughing hysterically because it was like mini-Godzilla, all these asians running around, police officers paging superiors. Then they shot it with a tranquilizer dart and I almost cried.
I left, going out on the balcony by myself. I had my coat and my faux Ugg boots (thankgod) and stood there for what seemed like forever. Then I grabbed a chair and pulled it up next to the railing. I called Joel and he was dumb, trying to get food and not listening to me. I said, "You're so limited by your stupidity and your quest for food." And hung up. I wasn't even angry, it was just a proclamation, it was true at the moment.

I was so incredibly happy. I had all these visualizations of people working together and having their Christmas dinners, had such an affinity for my fellow people. It was like having those relizations of, "None of this matters, only love matters," was my mindset. Every thought was of that caliber. Every thought led to another realization and imagination. I was so amazed, tears pricked my eyes and I just started sobbing for how beautiful and touching everything was.

Sam came out, delirious. His pupils were the size of dimes and he couldn't understand my words. I was incredibly amused by his mind. I felt like I needed to help him, he was constantly burping from a place deep inside himself - like he was going to throw up.

He went back inside. A man came out from the house across the street, and I felt like I was spying. I felt like a child, gripping the railing and rubbing my face against it for the texture. Everything felt amazing, I had this huge warmth coursing through me. I was worried that he was crying, and thought it was amazing if he was, and if he was I would help him.

He had an incredibly low voice, like those really simple basketball players they interview on ESPN. He wasn't crying, but he was still doing something shady.

I called out and asked him if he was alright and he didn't even answer me. As he walked back into his house I called out, "Good night cell phone man!" He didn't reply. It didn't make me any less happy, I realized that most people are too caught up in their drama to see what I was seeing and they were too blinded by distractions to see the truth.
I continued to immerse myself in my brain, thinking of the ocean and black forests. I cried harder and harder, remembering that I used to do this all the time as a kid and I'd forgotten it.

Caitlin came out and was not good. "I don't want this. I just want to get away from the worms."
I was fascinated. "That's where you are?"
"Yes."
I tried to talk to her about it but she was just afraid. I tried to explain my point of view, "Look at this. Everyone is sleeping harmoniously!"
She shook her head.
We went inside and sat in front of the T.V. Finding Nemo was on.

Finding Nemo is the messiah of Disney movies. The surround sound and how close we were sitting, I was sure we were underwater with them. We laughed hysterically at her speaking whale and I felt like it was my own son coming home when he finally found nemo.

After that we found this book of drawings by this prodigy that is friends with Kelly. He is literally Salvador Dali mixed with M.C. Escher. He's 17. Yeah. We found his book from freshman year and were amazed. We kept putting it down and forgetting when we picked it up, so it was like it had just made itself into her hands.

His drawings were amazing. Beyond comprehension. Then Caitlin and I had this amazing conversation where everything made sense and explained everything else. It was amazing. Then we smoked and ate and jesus was it good.

Missed anything?
livejournal - 2005-03-02
romantic love - 2005-03-02
caitlin and i - 2005-02-28
the backyard - 2005-02-28
together - 2005-02-27