I'm sick of all the children, children, children. I'm sick of people my own age I can't talk to. Friends who don't know the words I'm using. I'm going crazy. Instead of intelligent conversation, I've been burrowing in books. While dating my older german boyfriend I didn't have to read. It was stimulating enough just arguing with him. Politics, art, literature. I'm lost. My brain is mewling in the dark, weeping cells and throwing itself against the walls of my skull. Fucking children.

But I don't want to be old and jaded and forget. I will forget, but not enough so I have the pleasure of knowing times were better. I will have my own children to be sick of and a tired cracking body with blood problems. I've gotten old so quick. Everyone's telling me I shouldn't have blood clots, I'm too young. It's terrifying. I was crying last night through a vicodin haze. I'm sick of hurting but I'm sick of being tired and unable to form sentences. I wish I wasn't a girl. All the time. Crying is so useless. If I was a boy I'd be taken so much more seriously.

Missed anything?
livejournal - 2005-03-02
romantic love - 2005-03-02
caitlin and i - 2005-02-28
the backyard - 2005-02-28
together - 2005-02-27