You don't know what it's like. Delving all the time like this. Trying to figure out, well I feel this way but why do I feel...? I can read all my own motives in my own speech and it drives me crazy. It makes me talk in circles and maniuplate everyone because I'm so self-concious and deliberate. Where is the truth in anything I say - what do I really mean? I lose my feelings to words and people don't understand me.

Had I really forgotten so much of myself? I'm finding all this manic obsessive compulsive word clinging in my brain... it's clotting up in my head. I am being disarmed by art again. Magrite makes my head hurt. Disarmed by Everything is Illuminated. I was too closed up. Joel made me close up, made me apathetic. It's not his fault, I let him make me apathetic. We were apathetic together. I lost my understanding. Fuck. Well at least I've found myself, at least I'm free of want... for now. How could I have stopped writing?

Missed anything?
livejournal - 2005-03-02
romantic love - 2005-03-02
caitlin and i - 2005-02-28
the backyard - 2005-02-28
together - 2005-02-27